Disassembled

I wanted to have dinner with him, I did. I just wasn’t too sure on how we would interact. We’re very different. He just seems very disassembled. I know I’m put together, could I sit through a night with someone that’s all over the place? I’d like to get to know him better, but I also didn’t want to put myself through the torture he had already put me through during our lunch together.

I managed to ignore him, as best I could. I spied on him, but isn’t that what neighbors are supposed to do? I needed some inspiration from him for my book after all. That was how I spent most of my days anyways, writing and squeezing in some yard work. I averaged around 10 hours of sleep a week. It wasn’t insomnia; it was more of an adrenaline rush. I knew I’d catch up on my sleep once my book was out. Once I could wipe my hands clean of yet another murder mystery.

It was yet another sleepless night, yet I managed to pound out over forty pages worth of smut. Every one of my books had a sex scene in it, this time though; it was the murderer and his next-door neighbor. Foreshadowing for my own life? I sure as hell hope not. He’s probably dirty and full of germs. I shiver just at the thought.

I step out onto the balcony to take in the sunrise where I hear two voices over on Craig’s balcony. “I hope we didn’t wake you up.” I take in his appearance; he’s in a robe, no pants, a cigar in one hand, and a drink in the other. The man he is with looks the same, except his robe hangs open.

“Oh no, not at all. I actually haven’t gone to bed yet.” I eye the man he’s with. Could he be a possible lover? Is Craig . . . gay?

“Working on the book?”

“Yeah. My editor is on my ass, so I haven’t gotten much sleep this week. I just came out to get some fresh air. You guys enjoy your morning,” I flashed them a smile and step back into my bedroom. I keep the door open though, and do what I do best. I eavesdrop.

”You wouldn’t know what to do with those kid.”

“You’re probably right, I wouldn’t.”

“You just gotta wrap your hand around it and tug a little.”

“Wrap my hand around it and tug? Why do you make it sound like I’m gonna milk a cow?”

My hand flies up to cover my gaping mouth. My eyes wide with surprise. They weren’t honestly going to have oral sex out in the open were they?

”When they’re that big, that’s what you have to do. Unless you can fit the whole thing in your mouth. Either way man.”

“I’m gonna need another drink, you have anywhere to be?”

“Nope, I’m living in a hotel with Dan, I’ll take a refill.”

“Oh my fucking-lanta,” I gasp and retreated into my bathroom to splash some cold water on my blushing cheeks. This was a lot of information to take in. Not only was Craig gay, but also he’s seeing someone who already has a boyfriend. That poor man, this Dan. He’s probably been up all night waiting for his boyfriend to return to him.

The home wrecker!

“Madison! Madison!” I pull away from the bathroom sink and dry my face off as I head back out onto the balcony.

“Yeah?” I ask with a smile as his eyes travel down my body. Oh no, he’s one of those guys. The ones that notice what a disaster I am. He probably wants to go on a shopping spree.

“Have you thought about my dinner offer?”

“Oh yeah! Sure! When?” Suddenly knowing he’s not actually hitting on me, and trying to get in my pants, dinner could be fun. Or, at least, I hope.

“How about tomorrow night?”

“You’ll cook?”

“Yeah. Come on over around seven.”

“Should I bring anything?”

“Just yourself.”

I smiled at him and nodded my head before retreating back into my bedroom. He may be disassembled, but I could put up with that for one night right? His house can’t be a disaster; his boyfriend looks like he likes to clean. This might actually be somewhat okay.





Dressed in my best spring dress, I stepped into my Birkenstocks and headed over to Craig’s front door. I was twenty minutes late, but it wasn’t fully my fault. I dropped all my q-tips on the floor, and then had to make sure there was an even amount of them when I put them back. There’s nothing worse than discovering only one q-tip left when you need two. That’s why I keep everything in even numbers. It’s easier that way.

I knocked on the door three times and stepped back. He swung the door open, a white towel over his shoulder, and the smell of pasta filling my nose. “You’re late, I hope you didn’t get lost,” he laughed as he stepped aside and allowed me to walk in.

“Um, no,” I stated shortly as I made my way into his kitchen where I looked around. Pots were in the sink and two plates filled with pasta were waiting on the kitchen table. “You made this?” I asked pointing to the table.

“Yup, just dished up the plates,” he smiled as he pulled a chair out for me and I sat down. He uncorked a bottle of red wine, and poured two glasses. While he was occupied I took my time to look around the place. It sure didn’t look like a gay man lived here. Don’t they have style? Then again, he did just move in a month prior, and wasn’t home a whole lot.

The food was good, almost too good. No straight man cooks that good, and the plates we were eating off of were beautiful. So he does have taste. “Would you like some more wine?” He asked once he finished his glass.

“Sure, why not. I haven’t had wine in awhile,” I giggled as he grinned and jumped up from his chair to grab another bottle. When he sat back down, he pulled his chair closer to mine, and leaned forward, studying my face. I felt myself blush and throw up a wall at how close he was. I knew he wouldn’t make a move though. The last time I checked gay men weren’t interested in women, if anything, he was probably surveying my recent eyebrow job.

“You are a beautiful woman Madison.”

“Thanks Craig,” I laughed, sipping on my wine.

“No really, you’re magnificent.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I froze in place, my eyes wide in shock. I felt his tongue push its way between my lips. When I didn’t budge he pulled away and looked at me. Disappointment washed over his face. Then it hit me, and I tried to hold back my laughter.

“You’re bi?”

“What?”

“You’re bisexual?”

“No!”

“Why are you kissing me then? Am I like an experiment?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Why would a gay man kiss a woman?”

“GAY?!”

“Aren’t you gay? Wasn’t that your boyfriend yesterday morning?”

He looked at me incredulously. Was I not supposed to know? He stood up from his chair and grabbed my hand, dragging me behind him through his house. He took the steps two at a time and I had to follow suit to stay at pace with him. We walked into his bedroom and he yanked on my arm, tossing me toward his bed where I fell. I sat on the edge and looked at him expectantly. What was he doing? Oh dear God, was I sitting on dirty sheets? Did he have sex in this bed without changing the sheets?

He stepped between my legs and pushed down on my shoulders, laying me down on the bed. “What are you doing?”

“I’m not gay.”

I flung forward and looked at him grinning. “What? But-“

“He’s a teammate. We were having a drink. I’m not gay. I want to prove to you I’m not gay.”

“Well I believe you. You said it, you’re not gay. So why are we here in your bedroom?”

“Because I want to show you.”

“How?”

“Just lay down.” He placed his hands back on my shoulders, but didn’t push me down. I went down on my own will. How was he going to show me? He wasn’t going to rape me was he? Oh dear, what did I get myself into? I felt his lips hit the inside of my knee and I inhaled sharply. “What are-“

“Shut up.”

“Okay.” I closed my eyes, intoxicated by the wine, as well as his lips slowly moving up my thighs. He hands ran up the outsides of my thighs, pulling my dress up to my waist. Oh God. When was the last time I had sex? What underwear am I wearing? Crap, I’m not wearing any.

“I never took you as the type to skip on the underwear,” he mumbled against my thigh, biting softly.

Was I about to have sex with Craig? Did I want to have sex with Craig? I knew all I needed to say was ‘no’, but the only noise emitting from my mouth was a low rumble. I guess there was no turning back now, considering he can see my vagina in clear sight.

I felt his tongue roll up my clit and I push my head back on the mattress. He hooked his arms underneath my legs and brought them up so my feet were flush with the edge of the bed. My eyes closed as his tongue did things I didn’t even think were humanly possible to do. My mind synced in with his movements. Three flicks up, three to the right, three to he left, then three raspberry kisses in the surrounding area. I thought for sure as I counted that if I’d hit four I would die.

“One, two, three . . . one, two, three,” I breathed out, keeping in sync with him. As my toes curled and my stomach sucked in trying to prevent my body from convulsing, I felt his lips trail up to my belly button.

“It’s all about numbers with you isn’t it?”

“No.”

“Then why are you counting?”

“Just making sure I don’t hit four.”

“What happens if you hit four?”

“I’ll die.”

“Well then, I’ll make sure you don’t hit four. I’d like to keep you around.”

His lips attached themselves to me again and my eyes closed. I ran my hands over his head, not able to find a grip in his short hair. I bit down on my bottom lip as he did the same. One, two, three . . . one, two, three, fo- “WAIT!”

He pulled away and looked up at me. “So you’re really not gay?” I asked breathing heavily, just looking for an out before he caused me to lose all feeling in my legs.

“No.”

Insanity

Of course she wouldn’t accept my offer for dinner. Who the hell was I kidding? I’m normal, and well, she is on the edge of minor insanity. My time spent at home was usually spent watching her. Her and her OCDness. Watching her do yard work was brutal. Yard work is a time to get sweaty and dirty, yet every time a spot of dirt or grass landed on her, she would stop and brush it off. Oh Lord, and then watching her line up the flowerpots. That was three hours of my life I’ll never get back.

The hockey season was winding down, and I finally felt in place with my new team. I felt wanted. I actually had fans too, which was different for me. The team was on a hot streak and we were bound to make the playoffs, might even get home ice advantage. We were happy. Beyond happy, ecstatic. It called for a drink, but as I looked around the plane, most of the guys were asleep. We wouldn’t be landing back in Pittsburgh until close to 4 AM, so it looked like another celebratory drink alone on my balcony.

My eyes connected with Billy’s and he nodded his head for me to join him. I got up from my seat and sat in the empty one next to him. “What’s up Adams?”

“Not much Bill, just thinking about getting home and having a drink.”

“Were you looking around the plane for a drinking partner?”

“It’d be nice to have one. Just shoot the shit, have a glass of whiskey. You up for it?”

“I heard you have a nice view.”

I nodded my head as I looked over at him, “yeah, it’s decent.” As much as I wanted to tell him it was even better when Madison was in sight, I bit my tongue and kept the comment to myself.

“Glass of whiskey, how about some cigars and then we’ll watch the sunrise?”

“I don’t know Bill, sounds like a date,” I laughed causing Sid to stir across the aisle.

“Fuck Adams, I’ve seen the way you look at me. You own a robe?”

“Yeah,” I say slowly, suddenly scared of where this is going.

“Perfect, I’ll follow you there.”

We fell into silence for the rest of the flight into Pittsburgh. Once we landed it was just after 4 AM, and by the time I got to my house it’d be around 5. That wasn’t too early for a drink, right? Or in this case, too late? I shrugged either way, coach was giving us the day off, and I was going to drink regardless.

I pulled my truck into the garage and Billy’s headlights shined in from behind me. I jumped out to assess his parking job. “Um, you might want to move your truck over to the other side of this line,” I explain to him as I tap my foot on the black line that divides the driveway.

“Are you for real?”

“Unfortunately. Neighbor doesn’t like things on her side of the line. She has OCD.”

“Oh the chick Talbot was talking about? The one you have the hots for?”

“Just move your truck Guerin.”

I left the garage open and headed inside, dropping my bag off in the mudroom. I headed up to the kitchen and pulled out my nice bottle of whiskey. I only pulled her out on special occasions, but for some reason I felt like she would impress Billy. Not that I needed his approval, it was just a man thing. An odd way of saying my dick is just as big, if not bigger, than yours.

“Where’s that robe of yours?” Billy asked as I grabbed the bottle and two glasses and motioned for him to follow me upstairs. I pulled open the sliding glass door and set the liquor and glasses down on the table outside then turned my attention to my closet. I pulled out the white fluffy robe, with the Hilton logo on the right shoulder. “You stole a robe? Too cheap to go buy one?”

“I like the way it feels,” I defended myself as I held up the matching slippers. He grinned and snatched them from me. He turned and headed for the bathroom where he prepared himself for some drinking. I grabbed a robe myself, suddenly liking the idea, very Hugh Heffner. I pulled off my pants, discarded my suit jacket and button up shirt and wrapped myself up in the robe.

Billy walked out of the bathroom in his boxers and white wife beater, with the robe hanging open. This looked like a bad SNL skit or something. He held two cigars up in his hands and we headed out to the balcony. I poured two glasses and we sat in silence. Drinking, smoking and watching the sun slowly begin to crawl its way to life.

“Tell me about her,” Billy announced as he filled our glasses back up.

“The chick next door?”

“Yeah.”

I grumbled to myself. Talbot and his big fucking mouth. How could he even remember that night? I couldn’t even remember that night! “She’s a looker.”

“But she’s crazy?”

“She’s not crazy. She just has OCD. The driveway is a fucking war zone. God forbid if a leaf off of one of my trees landed on her side of the driveway. And as far as I know she’s only left her house once since I moved in.”

“So she’s crazy.”

“She’s difficult.”

Billy stood up from his seat, glass in one hand, lit cigar in the other and he leaned against the railing so he was facing me. “Look kid . . . how old are you?”

“I’ll be 32 in a few weeks.”

He nodded his head as he took a drag from his cigar, a light wind causing his robe to swirl around. “You’re still young, but you’re getting old.”

I looked up at him confused, a smug smirk on his face, his eyes off in the distance. He was more than likely thinking back to when he was a little bit younger. Back before he hit menopause. His eyes quickly shot over to Madison’s balcony, and I looked over to see her walk out, her hair disheveled and bags under her eyes. I stood up and looked over at her, smiling weakly. “I hope we didn’t wake you up.”

“Oh no, not at all. I actually haven’t gone to bed yet.”

“Working on the book?”

“Yeah. My editor is on my ass, so I haven’t gotten much sleep this week. I just came out to get some fresh air. You guys enjoy your morning.”

I nodded my head and watched her retreat back into her bedroom. I turned at looked at Billy who was grinning, cigar shoved in the corner of his mouth. He didn’t even have to say anything; he just lifted his hands up to his chest, palms up, and moved his hands up and down like he was handling boobs. “You wouldn’t know what to do with those kid.”

I looked down at my drink and cigar before looking back up at him. “You’re probably right, I wouldn’t.”

“You just gotta wrap your hand around it and tug a little.”

“Wrap my hand around it and tug? Why do you make it sound like I’m gonna milk a cow?”

“When they’re that big, that’s what you have to do. Unless you can fit the whole thing in your mouth. Either way man.”

“I’m gonna need another drink, you have anywhere to be?”

“Nope, I’m living in a hotel with Dan, so I’ll take a refill.”

So there we sat, drinking and smoking. Madison’s body in my mind. Trying desperately to think about what she would look like naked. How she would taste under my tongue. If for once I could get her to let loose. My eyes wandered over to Billy and he was looking at me annoyed. “What?”

“Ask her to dinner you fool.”

Again? Get shot down again? Ah, why the hell not? I jumped up and shouted her name a few times toward her door until it finally pulled open. “Yeah?” She asked with a smile. My eyes drifted down her body before I smiled.

“Have you thought about my dinner offer?”

“Oh yeah! Sure! When?”

What? I looked over at Billy quickly and he was grinned before rolling his eyes. “How about tomorrow night?”

“You’ll cook?”

I choked a bit. Cook? Crap. “Yeah. Come on over around seven.”

“Should I bring anything?”

“Just yourself.” She smiled and headed back into her house.

“Fucking pussy,” Billy mumbled under his breath finishing off his glass of whiskey. “Do you know any take out places near by that will deliver down the road for you to pick up and have you make it look like you cooked it without her knowing?”

“Hey! I can cook.”

“Bullshit. I saw your kitchen. You have one plate and a spork. You don’t cook.”

“Okay, so maybe I don’t. Feel like helping out?”

He smashed his cigar down on our makeshift ashtray and nodded his head. “Fucking pussy.”